hey idiot, I love you, I’ve always loved you. & I was stupid. I pushed you away. I pushed you into a new relationship, love, and family. I did that & now you’re gone forever. & I have to live with my stupid decision. I still love you. and always will.
(Source: sharemysecretswiththeworld)
where I can escape my reality for some time, where my dreams are free to me, where I can be who I wish I was, where I’m happy, & my heart is free.
(Source: varens, via p0laroidpicture)
seriously, fuck twitter and everybody. I wanna die right now. Nothing I say or do is ever right. I have been nothing but a let down since the day I turned 13. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m at my breaking point. Nothing will ever be the same. I miss my ex to pieces & there is nothing I can do or say to get him back. He’s having a baby with somebody else. I hate that. I hate everything. When did I become so depressing, so cynical. When did I start hating the world. All I think anymore is negative thoughts. I don’t wanna live. I feel like nobody would really care whether I did or didn’t. In all reality nobody has cared about me in a long time. I say the wrong things, I do the wrong things. All I ever try to do is be helpful. To stay outta everyone’s way. I wanna die. every night I cry. My heart has been broken for some time now. I don’t think it’ll ever be whole again. I’m not meant to be happy, that has been clear to me for awhile not. I’m so sick of everyone constantly talking about me, constantly looking at me with disapproving eyes. I hate life. I’m scared of everything. I try to be brave, I try to hold back the hurt. But I just fall apart. I don’t know anymore. I haven’t known anything in a long time.
ya know, you wonder why I don’t tell you anything. but it really isn’t that hard to figure out. you sit there and tell everyone and their mother. if I wanted others to know, they would hear it from me. I hate everyone knowing my business, one. & two, what’s the point in communication when you don’t believe me, when I’ve never even lied to you and you sit there and talk to everyone else about it, and lastly you just yell at me, or get angry. I rather just keep it to myself. but no. nobody will let me, everybody keeps pushing me. I am so outta place, I’ve felt this way for god only knows how long. I am miserable. and nothing I say or do will change that. I don’t try to be miserable, I’m just meant to be miserable. I’m meant to have a hard life. Honestly, the only thing keeping me alive right now is my niece. I don’t want her to hate me for abandoning her. I don’t want her to ever feel how I felt. I need her to know how much I love her. I never want her to go through the pain I feel daily. I never want her to have the misery and heartbreak I have had. one thing after another has been an endless downward spiral. one thing after another has gone down hill. they say once you hit rock bottom there’s only one way to go and that’s up. but I think only the lucky few actually hit rock bottom. I think everyone else just keeps falling down an endless hole. their lives constantly in a downward spiral.
I guess all I’m saying is that you gotta make hard decisions, & live with them. I don’t know what I’m saying. I don’t know.
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